Tag Archives: change

“Probably” Doesn’t Cut It

Posted on by jennwhitley

I have a lot on my mind right now.

For instance, I should probably grade papers. I should probably fill out job applications. I should probably write graduation letters. I should probably get more sleep. I should probably finish the laundry that has been piling up for two weeks — and even when it is clean, it just goes into the “clean pile,” so I should probably fold it, too. There are a lot of things I should probably be doing right now, but I’m not doing them. I’m writing. Why? Because I’m a procrastinator.

Don’t get me wrong, I have motivation. I am probably one of the most motivated people on the planet. I have dreams and aspirations that push me to do my best every day (well, in most cases). Those same desires have instilled a sense of worth in me. However, my wants aren’t always my needs. Why is it that we want things we don’t need? Or, better yet, why are we upset when we don’t get those wants? Come on, I know I’m not the only one…

What’s worse: even when I get what I want, I’m rarely satisfied. It’s not that I’m jealous of others; I try not to find worth in myself by comparing what I’ve done with others’ accomplishments. However, if I achieve a goal, it is hard for me to celebrate. Instead, I make another one and brush off the accomplishment as something that “had to happen.” I didn’t walk at graduation for my undergraduate degree because it was not an accomplishment to me, but a necessity (“everyone” goes to college nowadays).

I think Oscar Wilde said it best: “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” There is always a sadness that accompanies disappointment; even if you know what you want is impossible to obtain. However, instead of being disappointed in ourselves — or disappointed when we don’t get what we want — why can’t we stop and celebrate when we do accomplish something? I love to celebrate my friends’ and family’s achievements; why can’t I celebrate my own? And when we get what we want, why can’t we be satisfied, instead of moving on to the next desire?

There is one way, though, to avoid some disappointment, which brings me to my next point: why does procrastination exist? If something needs to be done, it should be done with no excuses. Wants should rarely be placed before needs; yet, we do it every day — me especially. I have way too many “probablys” floating around me — I could probably do this; I probably need to do that. It’s time to erase the “probably” out of my life and turn those “probablys” into actions.

I have already taken the first step of identifying the problem. What’s next? Well, I suppose I’ll fold some laundry when I get home. I will grade papers today after school, and I will try my best to get more sleep. All I can do is accomplish reasonable goals and push myself to achieve more. No, I’m probably not going to be the first female president of the United States. However, I probably will graduate with my PhD and see where life takes me from there. I look forward to it.

JJ

Hello, Monday

Posted on by jennwhitley

I received some news Friday: because of major budget cuts, my teaching position has been moved from full to half-time.

While I could be excited, because this gives me more time to focus on my PhD, “half-time” means “half-pay,” and “half-pay” will not pay the bills.

My initial reaction to this news was – let’s just say – not pleasant. I began writing this entry on Friday, but decided I needed to put things into perspective before I published it. Here is Friday’s work:

Three months ago, I was told that I had nothing to worry about – that I’d be “taken care of.” Three months ago, I was lied to.

Let me back up: the economy is bad, which directly affects the educational system. We, the teachers of Clarke County, were informed that many “changes” were coming. Those “changes” turned out to be major cuts to every program. 

Being my first year in Clarke County, which proposed a system of seniority as the basis of the “changes,” I expected to be at the bottom of the list. That is, until I was told I had “nothing to worry about.”

So, I became hopeful. I told my husband, mother and friends that, while our district is in hot water, I will not drown with it. Just in case, though, I made plans for the future – I applied to a few teaching positions within acceptable driving distance, and a few administrative positions at UGA. Thank goodness.

Today, I had a visit from the Grimm Reaper telling me my position has been cut in half and I will be moved to Clarke Central. I am perfectly fine with the move – Central is a great school. However, how can I take care of myself and my family on half of what I currently make? This will not do.

I stopped writing because I felt like the entry was turning into a vent session, and that is not what I set out to do. I know God is in control – and with an acceptance into a fifth-in-the-nation PhD program (that should guarantee me a job in curriculum development and/or a university teaching position), maybe he is telling me something.

I have already discussed the “nagging sense” tugging at the back of my mind, telling me I should be doing something else than, or in addition to, teaching. Things are falling into place to make that happen. Even if I accept the offer, and teach half-time, I know I will find a way to make it. Thankfully, God is in control, not I.

Goodbye Friday’s disappointment. Hello Monday’s hopefulness.

JJ