I have a lot on my mind right now.

For instance, I should probably grade papers. I should probably fill out job applications. I should probably write graduation letters. I should probably get more sleep. I should probably finish the laundry that has been piling up for two weeks — and even when it is clean, it just goes into the “clean pile,” so I should probably fold it, too. There are a lot of things I should probably be doing right now, but I’m not doing them. I’m writing. Why? Because I’m a procrastinator.

Don’t get me wrong, I have motivation. I am probably one of the most motivated people on the planet. I have dreams and aspirations that push me to do my best every day (well, in most cases). Those same desires have instilled a sense of worth in me. However, my wants aren’t always my needs. Why is it that we want things we don’t need? Or, better yet, why are we upset when we don’t get those wants? Come on, I know I’m not the only one…

What’s worse: even when I get what I want, I’m rarely satisfied. It’s not that I’m jealous of others; I try not to find worth in myself by comparing what I’ve done with others’ accomplishments. However, if I achieve a goal, it is hard for me to celebrate. Instead, I make another one and brush off the accomplishment as something that “had to happen.” I didn’t walk at graduation for my undergraduate degree because it was not an accomplishment to me, but a necessity (“everyone” goes to college nowadays).

I think Oscar Wilde said it best: “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” There is always a sadness that accompanies disappointment; even if you know what you want is impossible to obtain. However, instead of being disappointed in ourselves — or disappointed when we don’t get what we want — why can’t we stop and celebrate when we do accomplish something? I love to celebrate my friends’ and family’s achievements; why can’t I celebrate my own? And when we get what we want, why can’t we be satisfied, instead of moving on to the next desire?

There is one way, though, to avoid some disappointment, which brings me to my next point: why does procrastination exist? If something needs to be done, it should be done with no excuses. Wants should rarely be placed before needs; yet, we do it every day — me especially. I have way too many “probablys” floating around me — I could probably do this; I probably need to do that. It’s time to erase the “probably” out of my life and turn those “probablys” into actions.

I have already taken the first step of identifying the problem. What’s next? Well, I suppose I’ll fold some laundry when I get home. I will grade papers today after school, and I will try my best to get more sleep. All I can do is accomplish reasonable goals and push myself to achieve more. No, I’m probably not going to be the first female president of the United States. However, I probably will graduate with my PhD and see where life takes me from there. I look forward to it.

JJ